Are You Astonished Enough to Tell Another?

A friend of mine recently shared a poem by Mary Oliver called “Sometimes.”  Here is a quote I find particularly meaningful at this time:

              Instructions for living a life. Pay Attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.

How are you today?  Are you “living a life,” just marking time or somewhere in-between?  I suspect if we are honest, we are somewhere in the in-between.  Life as we knew it stopped somewhere in the month of March of this year and we have been actively trying to figure out what comes next day to day, moment by moment, ever since.  Living with the reality of COVID-19 has all the earmarks of living through a time of great upheaval and loss.  If you are anything like me, these days have had buoyant highs during which we rejoice in the many ways people are looking out for one another and trying their best to stay safe and healthy while at the same time grow in appreciation of the gifts and sacrifices of others.  There have also been very weighty lows as we go day to day and week to week with limited personal contact and moving within the same spaces.  We are running out of corners to clean or we are too overwhelmed by all of this to bear even looking into those dark and dusty corners.  The swing of our emotions and reactions is mercurial.  And we are sometimes afraid; for our health, for ability to meet expenses, of being lonely, for those who are suffering and alone. 

This brings me back to Mary Oliver’s quote.  It has given me pause and even direction.  I first ask myself the question, “Am I living a life?” Or am I simply existing until this whole thing has passed and life can start again?  I think most days I am living a life.  I am doing some work, taking walks, taking care of things around the house, staying in touch with friends and family, praying and reading.  I am grateful for this time.  I pray I can learn from this time and move into the future with a changed heart and attitude. And on the days when I am simply waiting this out, I give myself permission to just be.

I am also paying attention in new ways.  Because there is less traffic, I hear the birds singing each morning.  I am so aware of the sunshine, as I want to plan my outdoor time to coincide with the light. It is Spring here and I am noticing the flowers and flowering trees as they become nature’s spokesperson for resurrection and hope!  I see the eyes of people in the stores because the rest of their faces are covered – and their eyes tell me so much.  I notice when my body needs sleep, or fuel or movement. 

But am I astonished?  Astonished is such a strong word, and I am not sure that I have allowed myself such strong responses to what I am feeling and noticing.  And yet, if I were to be astonished, I would be feeling and knowing and understanding on a much deeper level.  Is that not what it means to be alive?!

And so with these reflections today, I am resolved to allow myself to be more astonished.  I will not only notice, but I will check in with my gut and heart to see how these noticings feel.  I will try to give myself over to being astonished, that is surprised by all that is good and sad and peaceful and wonderful and hard.  I will drink more deeply from the well that is my spirit that is joined with the spirit of the Divine.

I suspect if I am even a little bit successful with this resolve, I will not be able to help myself.  I will have to tell about it.  In the telling, I believe there will also be the listening and the sharing and we will all live more intentionally with more strength because we will be moving from “me” to “us”.